Everything I needed to know I learned by making mistakes...not kindergarten!

So I decided to start doing a "blog" after reading blogs that a couple of my friends were writing. I think this would be a fun way to keep in touch, I guess I got over Facebook just when a lot of people were getting into it. Since I am sure the only people that will be reading this are people that know me, I will skip the semantics of who I am and my family, instead I will start into somethings I have learned about myself in the past few months or year or so. This one will be longer than most because I have been excited about doing this and have not told anyone I was going to.



~So, recently I have learned that my son, well...he is most definitely mine. He does things that my brother would call "Sara Moments" they come and they are as clear and bright as a blinking gas station light, you see them only as a person looking from the outside. These moments include cutting the middle out of the brownies right from the oven, missing the punch line of a joke, Phillip would kremember them without a second thought. Ion the other hand, am struggling to come up with any. :-) I guess that is why my mom and brother can see them so clearly. I needed Addison to show me what they were. Most recently after opening a piece of mail that had about 1,000 coupon papers in them, (most people throw them away, but Hey you never know what good coupon you could get if you don't open it) there was one that looked like a check. Addison wanted the "check" I said fine but could you throw the rest away, please? He gladly said "yes", as he messily collects all the papers and starts walking to the trash he starts dropping some out of the back of his hands, he stops, looks at me and continues to walk, all while continuing to drop the papers as he walks to the trash...watching me as they fall to the ground. Finally he makes it to the trash (putting in like 2 of the 30 left on the floor). Steven and I look at each other mutually thinking are you going to pick them up, he tried to walk about his business, with his "check", assuming I would pick them up, needless to say he picked them up....well 5 or 6 of them, oops! I call this a Sara moment because I am pretty sure, I have heard enough stories about myself to know, I often counted on others the help me finish or clean up the messes I created as a kid, if not I could usually figure out a way to get someone else to do it. THANKS Phillip! :)



~Another thing I have learned, well, still learning is...it is okay for relationships the have problems. EEEKK, for my sanity we will call them bumps. Problems sounds so permanent and scary, and well, I don't do either of those well. Anyone that knows me knows when problems arise I freak out, I call my mom like 10 times a day, and obsess over it and well I run from ANY and everything scary. I don't watch scary movies, I scream at frogs, spiders, and anything really if it falls, sounds, looks, smells or grazes my arm the wrong way. I have gotten out of a shower to have my brother kill a spider the size of a pea. I am a wienie. So relationship bumps send me running the other way fast! To me they mean anything in the future must be a dead end. I realize anyone older than me is going to think this is crazy, Steven (3 years older than me, well he does ), I hope in 3 years I have gained the maturity and prospective to realize this is not the case, for now....I will continue to freak out.



~Ahh Steven, he is the anchor that keeps my feet to the ground when my irrational thoughts send me like a hot air balloon into the air. I also have my mom via phone, I call her like people are addicted to calling a psychic hot line- 24 hours a day. Kay, Steven's mom, helps me out and has become a source of support in ways I could not begin to describe as well. But anyway, Steven, he NEVER gives up, I am pretty sure he had no idea what he signed up for but by the time he knew, it was too late. I am not sure what it is, and I know he would agree, when we met we had one conversation and it felt like we knew each other for along time. It's funny, though we met specifically though one source, after getting to know each other a bit our paths had crossed and missed by a block, and a year. He lived about 1 block from Peace College and I would run by his place in the mornings for a class, and we worked for the same company and I attended training at his location. We are a prime case of when it is meant to be, it falls into place. I think the experiences we had before we met one another, only made us ready for each other and it would not have worked anytime before. His tenderness would have sent me running and my neediness would have made him insane. Though I am working on this, I think whoever you are with should feel like you love them more they they love you, it is a mutual love. Let me say that clearer, Steven should feel like I love and cannot do without him all the time. In my defense, I try. I need to be more like butter than peanut butter. Peanut butter sticks to one part of the bread and the other side of the bread does not get the same coat as where you originally put it, butter on the other hand, spreads evenly, all the bread gets the same amount. (It makes sense in my head) I tend to give a lot to other parts of my life, assuming my anchor always stays there and stable, little do I understand anchors drift and slide then they can snap and then you are a boat floating in the ocean going who knows where.



~Lastly, friendships, I have learned a ton about friends in the past months. I have had good and bad experiences, but one thing has remained the same- My best friends are the same ones I have had since long before my son was born. Distance, time, nor experiences have swayed the knowledge that I can call them anytime of the day, any day of the week and when we talk....nothing has changed. We understand life and people change but we are still friends. I can go 2 even 4 weeks at a time with nothing, but there is not issue when I/they call and say hey just check in on ya, it is always greeted with "hey girl, how ya been? I have been thinking about you." this is mutual. It is about growing up and understanding we have a families, we always catch up for a 3 hour Starbucks date or a quick lunch at Zaxby's when we can. We count on each other and rely on the friendship when we need it. At times I may need more from her, and there are times where she needs more from me. For example, my friends have told me they love wedding planning they have no idea they will regret telling me that. I live vicariously through my best friend Casey and her relationship with her sisters, they roll right off each other. But I am sure she lives through me with a brother, I am pretty sure she wishes she had the experiences of a brother farting on her head while she was taking a nap... I don't have a sister but I do have my mom and she is the sister God was supposed to give me with the age difference to be able to share experiences and wisdom with me to help me avoid making mistakes, well at least help me deal with the heartache once I have made them.